


disappointed in the monkey

by imposterhuman



Series: cosmic loneliness [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Good Omens Fusion, Angel Steve Rogers, Creation, Demon Tony Stark, First Meeting, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, Sassy Tony Stark, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Being Tony, Tony is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 18:30:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20050609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: Tony wasn’t fond of being a snake. Sure, the fangs were nice, and the scales weren’t horrible, but overall, he wasn’t a fan. So when he saw the angel perched on the wall of the Garden, he shifted to a human form.“Well,” he said, meeting the angel’s blue eyes. “That went down like a lead balloon.”“Neither lead nor balloons have been invented yet,” the angel said disapprovingly.





	disappointed in the monkey

**Author's Note:**

> title from a mark twain quote: “What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.” 
> 
> some of the dialogue comes right from the show and is not mine (though i wish it was)
> 
> i am currently obsessed with good omens aus and have made this a series so enjoy!

Tony wasn’t fond of being a snake. Sure, the fangs were nice, and the scales weren’t  _ horrible _ , but overall, he wasn’t a fan. So when he saw the angel perched on the wall of the Garden, he shifted to a human form. 

“Well,” he said, meeting the angel’s blue eyes. “That went down like a lead balloon.”

“Neither lead nor balloons have been invented yet,” the angel said disapprovingly. 

Tony rolled his snake eyes, one of the few vestiges of his normal form that he cared to keep. “It’s a metaphor,” he said waspishly. “Surely  _ those  _ exist?”

The angel sniffed disapprovingly. If it wasn't for the stick up his ass, he was exactly the type that Tony would love to tempt; blonde, golden, built like a statue that wouldn’t be carved for centuries. His wings were massive and pure white, a clear contrast to Tony’s own black feathers. He practically exuded holiness, down to the wrinkle in his nose.

“I suppose,” the angel conceded. He angled his body away from Tony, as if the conversation was over.

But Tony had millennia under his belt of talking to people who didn’t want to talk. It was part of the reason he Fell, after all. “This whole thing was a mess,” he repeated. “Bit of an overreaction, if you ask me. Casting them out for the first offence?” He whistled.

The angel turned to him in shock. “Don’t say things like that…” he motioned for Tony to introduce himself.

“Antonius,” Tony said. “Call me Tony.”

“Stephanos,” said the angel, narrowing his eyes. “You’re blaspheming the Almighty.”

“That, dear Stephanos, is what I  _ do _ ,” Tony shrugged. “I just don’t see what’s so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil.”

“It must be bad,” Stephanos said with finality. “Or you wouldn’t have tempted them into it.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Hey, now,” he raised his hands. “I just do what I’m told.”

“Somehow,” Stephanos said archly. “I highly doubt that, demon.”

“Come on,” Tony pushed. “You can’t tell me you don’t have questions. Why would the Almighty put this terrible, evil apple  _ right in the middle of the garden _ ? If she didn’t want Adam and Eve to eat it, why not put it on, I don’t know, the moon?”

“It’s not for us to know,” the angel argued. “It’s part of the Great Plan. It’s ineffable.”

“The Great Plan… is  _ ineffable _ ?” Tony laughed. “Beyond understanding and incapable of being put into words?”

“Exactly,” said Stephanos. He shifted, drawing Tony’s attention to what he was holding. 

Or, rather, what he  _ wasn’t _ holding.

“Hey,” Tony said, delighted. “Didn’t you use to have a shield?”

Stephanos looked panicked. “Uh…”

“You did!” Tony crowed. “What happened to it? Lost it already?”

“I… gave it away,” Stephanos mumbled. God didn’t smite him on the spot.

“You  _ what _ ?” Tony said incredulously. He shoved down a flare of resentment. He had been cast out of Heaven for far less than giving humanity a holy and sacred weapon, but that was neither here nor there. Still, he cursed God in his mind. She deserved it. 

“I gave it away!” Stephanos repeated miserably. “There are all kinds of things out there, and she’s expecting already. I just hope I didn’t do the wrong thing.”

The angel looked so much like a kicked puppy (another thing that wouldn’t be around for a couple centuries), that Tony almost wanted to comfort him. But he was a demon, at the end of the day. “Me neither,” he said. “It’d be a shame if you got smited. Smote? Smited.”

Stephanos glared. “I did the right thing,” he said, looking at the forms of Adam and Eve in the distance. His gaze softened almost imperceptibly. 

“You’re an angel,” Tony shrugged (without any sarcasm, thank you very much). “I’m not sure you  _ can  _ do the wrong thing. Would be funny though, wouldn’t it?”

“Not at all,” Stephanos said sharply. 

The first rain cut off Tony’s reply. He had never seen rain before, mostly because it hadn’t existed. He wasn’t surprised to find that, like with most things God created, he wasn’t a fan. Before he could vocally complain, though, Stephanos’s wing flew up over his head to cover him. 

And as much as Tony hated all things holy, well, Stephanos radiated warmth and comfort that Tony hadn’t felt in a long time. He shuffled a little closer, huddling under Stephanos’s wing to wait out the rain. 

They stared at the beginnings of Creation together, and Tony found he didn’t hate it at all.

**Author's Note:**

> steve is "stephanos" here because its more old fashioned and all that jazz. tony nicknames him steve later and (like a sap) he keeps it
> 
> thoughts? comments and kudos make me happy
> 
> hit me up on tumblr [@imposter-human](https://imposter-human.tumblr.com/)


End file.
